March is when Dawn and I had become friends again. I know it was meant to happen because both of us we're going to need each other more than ever. Later that month her grandfather passed away. She was very close to him and it was hard to deal with him being sick when she was across the country. I was glad that I could be there for her in her time of need. She needed her friends to be there for her now more than ever.
April was when I finally came to my senses. I officially broke up with my boyfriend/fiance of five years. Even though I technically count the three weeks prior an actual break up since we never spoke to each other. It was something so hard for me to do and something I just couldn't bear to do. I was always the person that tried to make my relationships work no matter how bad things were. I never want to give up on the person I love. After you've been treated like a nobody and repeatedly been cheated on how can you not move past it? I always tried to fix it and I always tried to be a better person. The thing that took me forever to realize is that I wasn't the person that needed to change. There was nothing wrong with me. I am a good person/girlfriend/friend. It took me a long time to realize that I don't need someone like that in my life. I don't deserve to be treated like that and I definitely don't deserve the pain. Of course as always he wanted me stay because he realized I was such an amazing person. It was too late for me. I just couldn't handle it anymore. The pain and the wondering and the staying up late trying to figure out where he was. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take any more of it. The sad thing is, is all the advice I've given over the years to people who have gone through this same thing. I always told them how much better they could do and they didn't deserve this. Why is it so hard to take your own advice? Now I am in a better place and I know I will have that person in my life that sweeps me off my feet day after day.
May/June/July I enjoyed single life the next few months. It was great going out and having fun. Seeing people I hadn't spent time with in forever. I was/am the happiest I had been in a long time. The beginning of July my cousin Tammie got married. I was extremely excited when she had asked me to do her hair. She looked amazing and I am so happy for her.
August I finally graduated. It took me a bit but I finally did it. It was something I needed to do and I am so proud of myself that I made it. Now its time to hurry up and get my license.
Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec More time spent enjoying myself and having fun. Also spent quite a lot of time on the lake with my cousins. It feels good to have them in my life and so close to me again. They mean every thing to me. In mid October my cousin Becky got married. We spent the weekend on the westside of the state. We had a lot of fun. In late October I turned 26. Spent it at home. Wasn't that fun and exciting but I made it another year? Enjoyed the holidays with my family. As always it's nothing but laughs and more good times.
As for 2011 I hope to make myself be a better person and not be Debbie Downer all the time. It's funny because at Christmas my family and I laughed about how I am like that about every thing that is said to me. I'm hoping I can improve that. Mainly because of the people around me I affect by saying such shitty things. I was introduced to a boy. We've been talking for a month now and have had two dates. Things happened and as always I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't have. Mostly because of the way I have been treated by past boyfriends and other men I've been with. I am used to the let down and never speaking to them again. The thing is I need to realize this guy probably is not like that all. Just because I am used to the worst doesn't mean it's going to happen every time. He is absolutely amazing, funny, charming, good looking, kind. I mean my list could go on for days. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and not be bored when you're around them. Its great to actually have a continuing conversation about every thing and any thing. He's absolutely wonderful and I really like him and I'm hoping that I didn't screw this one up at all. We'll see how things go as the days go on.
